


a misery-aggression hypothesis

by falloutboyz



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s05e01-02 Redux, F/M, i really thought this was amazing when i wrote it at 3am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:14:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutboyz/pseuds/falloutboyz
Summary: Something of a love declaration. Drabble following Mulder's stream of consciousness during the first scene of redux ii, when he first sees Scully lying in the hospital bed.a/n: this is my first time posting fic, so please go easy on me





	a misery-aggression hypothesis

He swears he can’t help it, when suddenly his arms are at Skinner’s shoulders and he’s ready to smite. It’s frustration-aggression catharsis. The Thanatos death instinct. He’ll go on trial and say _Freud made me do it_ if it means he will never have to hear Skinner say the words _she’s dying_ again _._

He is vaguely aware of Skinner yelling “Don’t do this! Don’t!” and being pushed backwards, but he can’t feel it. He can’t feel anything except for his incessant heartbeat, thrumming offensively under his skin. To pair, there’s a whimper of a beep beside her hospital bed. 

How rude of his body to keep functioning, when half of it should be malfunctioning.

He lets Skinner and the other man push him away. He can’t do this. He can’t get in a fight with Skinner again. Not while he sees her looking like that. 

He can’t look at anything but her, Scully,  _Scully_ , too small, too small for her own volition, with hollowing eyes and a peaceful expression. He works with the dead, he knows that expression is reserved for people going down in a quiet death. 

He decides the frustration-aggression hypothesis was wrong. The rage he feels is not out of frustration, it is out of blind misery. He spent years profiling the most violent men in America, getting inside their minds and figuring out what makes them so violent. They might have been frustrated, but they were all leagues behind the violence in his devotion to Dana Scully.

As Skinner leads him out of the hallway, he can’t pull his eyes away from her lying in the hospital bed. Scully is a life-force. It’s incongruous to see her ill. Oh, Scully, you shouldn’t be here. You should be climbing mountains and travelling around the world and eating the pappardelle pasta you like and living the life you deserve to have and,  _Scully_ , I’m so, so sorry, I’m so, so selfish. I would kill the whole world for you.

His heart won't stop constricting at the sight of her. She is beautiful, in the way Scully always is, but lacking in all her usual vigor. It tears him apart to see her like this. He is going to murder, in the first degree, the entire consortium if she dies. Oh god, if Scully dies. He reminds himself _if_ is the important word here. If, if, if. He will be in denial until he dies.

She fades out of view as Skinner pulls him along, telling him he needs to go to Belvins office. He grunts in response, but lets Skinner take him back to the bureau. Hopefully the announcement of his vitality won’t take too long. He has other priorities.

He needs to do what he does best, sublimate the agony into blind pursuit. He can’t idly sit back and wait for her to die. 

While exiting the hospital, he silently vows. He vows that he will find a cure for her cancer. Vows on all the will and passion in his body that she will come out of this alive. He vows to her, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Scully, I do. Oh my god, Scully, I do.


End file.
